Two weeks and the walk back to life

11 03 2008

I don’t know, how to start this. I don’t know do I even need to do this. Zilch. Nada. Sifar… I really don’t know.

Many of my friends, almost everybody were offended. I didn’t take up their calls, didn’t reply their mails. When they came in knocking, well they didn’t find anybody inside. Its not just with my friends, it was with my family too. Poor fellas. I didn’t take up the newspaper, no mails, no news, no sms, no nothing…. Nothing which I consume[non food of course]. No corporate mails too. I don’t know from where did the idea germinate. I really don’t know. I was lying on my bed, half-sleepy half-contemplating [ okay don’t ask me, how do I do this, I intend to scare my gfs away with this], then that idea came to me. It was more of a realisation.

“What am  I doing? God! what the hell am I doing”
[trying to sleep? one tiny voice said almost as if asking me]
[Shut up!]

“This sucks! This sucks man!Something is wrong!  I am…. I am..err… yeah… I am not happy, something is wrong! I got to fix this”
[yeah right!]
“Yeah.. I need to fix this”
[but whats wrong?]
[I dont know!, gotto figure it out]

And I don’t know how did the solution come to me, but it was weird. I looked at my cell to check out the time[the revelation hour], and I got pissed off.
No time. No contacts. No news. Nothing…. From now onwards, I don’t know till when maybe days/weeks/months, till I feel like coming back.I switched off my mobile.

The next day I got up[ imagine, if we didn’t have bio clocks] and set onwards to my office. The same slumping thoughts. F*** I hate them. As if all my life force was taken out from me. I thought, okay lets give it some time. In office, once I reached, I pulled out the jack to the server. Pfoof* . Kiss the broadband connectivity goodbye, baby… But wait!! I had to update my files to the common server. What about that… okay, I connected it back, but resolved, No Outlook, no Thunderbird, no Rediff, no Mozilla either. 😦 No news, no sneek peak at newspapers too, no blogs[yeah that included the WordPress one too.] and I didnt carry my mobile at all.

Honestly for the first half an hour it felt awful. But you know what? I survived. In fact I started enjoying the solitude. Honestly [no doubt cave men were very satisfied fellas]

It went on. Till today. And honestly I didn’t find an end to the gnawing corrosive thoughts inside me. I was getting stagnant, almost devoid of any life force[ a la Calvin].

I got up pretty early today in the morning. Was good. Felt good[at last!] I dressed up and reached the road that leads to the office. Its where the auto wala leaves me, and I make the last two minutes of my walk.

Two minutes thats it! Just two minutes. Its such a small time. But still thoughts. The same thoughts came to me. I was getting stagnated. I had to solve it. Now and I mean right now!

I slowed down. The sea straight ahead was visible. I looked back.
“Chuck it! I am not going to office today”

I turned back, and was standing on the ECR road[read the wiki slug]which connects Chennai to Pondicherry along the Bay of Bengal coast.

I had the option. One side lead me to the city, the other out of it.

Authors note: Trust me, my family is still spooked out when I told them what I did today.

[Continued in the next part]

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3 responses

22 03 2008
Anthony

I’ve been as far out on the edge as you can get without taking, literally, the final step. Isolating, I can tell you, is easy, but not a good thing to do.

It sounds like you might have an interesting view out your window…I’m hoping you might share it.

I’m looking forward to joining you for drinks, and a bite, at Soup To Nuts.

22 03 2008
Soham Das

True Michael… I agree… thats true…

22 03 2008
A streak of madness « The Soul and The Witness

[…] given a little spark of madness You mustn’t lose it -Robbie Williams [continued from the previous post]I turned and took the road which led me out of the city. I didn’t look back; Just kept […]

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